suicide note for my friends
Please watch this
Friend #1, please watch this. All suicidal people want is empathy, actual empathy.Friend #2, please watch this. I hope it can explain at least one aspect of my death.
Life has been meaningless for so long, at least ever since I said fuck you to God.
There was a reason I said, hope, rope or cope.
I hate the hedonic treadmill and I'm getting off.
The meat and potatoes
My views have always been:"Suicide is easy to do" and "those who really want to die will find a way to die, otherwise they want to live".I have never once thought that I want to die because I don't matter or don't feel loved, quite the contrary, I want to die earlier because I do matter and because I do love myself. My suffering and pain matters to me and that's why I want to end it as early as possible.
These two anti suicide sentiments really piss me off because they assume that suicide is so easy to do whilst they all go out of their way to ensure that suicide is incredibly difficult to do.
We all have to kill ourselves alone (because assisting somebody in suicide is a crime) whilst the backs of the security guards (which is basically everybody) is turned and, on top of that, we have to deal with SI (survival instinct) caused by the attempt in the first place.
Also, these people who say shit like this are the same ones who advocate for banning peaceful methods like nembutal or the sacro pod.
Maybe suicide would be easy to do if we were allowed access to nembutal but this isn't the case in reality.
Due to all of these factors, I'd argue that suicide is actually one of the most difficult things to do.
It gets even more difficult for certain individuals who are hindered from suicide either due to their body restricting them (such as being paraplegic) or their personal circumstances restricting them (such as living under strict and controlling parents) or both.
I'm sorry that I had to lie to your face and tell you that i'm not suicidal.
I'd love to live in a world, where I could tie up loose ends and enjoy my final moments with my loved ones, and that they could accept my departure.
I wish I could've lived in a world where I could have taken a lethal dose of nembutal, and various painkillers and maybe undersleep as well so that I fall asleep as soon as possible, into a peaceful death.
But that is not the world we live in.
So thank you for checking up on me, but I've made my choice. I don't wish to dilly dally any longer.
the funny thing is that if I had, say a pill for a peaceful death in my drawer, i'd probably live longer.
If you want more, know that I wasn't built for this world. If I don't do this now, I'll just keep failing and failing and that I'll also be a leech on my parents, the economy and anyone who gets to know me.
The world with all its sentient creatures would be better off without me.
Especially since I'm too stubborn to change anyway.